- the fearful holiday post
- December 22nd, 2010
So, uh, before anything, I gotta say that if this becomes disjointed and rambling, it's probably residual grief. Grandfather died on the 12th of this month.
With that out of the way...
...why do people think that relationships are simple? Relationships are complicated, near-indecipherable messes of point and counterpoint, something out of a Tom Clancy novel, and for what? The right to change your Facebook status to "In A Relationship"?
So yeah, I am sour-graping, but... maybe it's because I'm afraid of nearly everything.
I'm afraid of living up to my potential, because there might be a few toes I'll end up running over along the way. Also because I might end up using my newly-acquired power for something so petty as revenge.
Meanwhile, the nice people who keep doing this don't even notice the toes they've stepped on, the lives they've ruined.
I'm afraid of taking risks in starting a relationship, because it has exploded too many times in my face than I care to count.
Meanwhile, the nice people who have relationships betray, hurt, and use each other, and smile about it the whole time.
I'm afraid of acting my age, because one day, I'm going to wake up and look in the mirror, and I won't know the person I'm looking at.
Meanwhile, the nice people who do act their age tend to behave more childishly in some instances - and get away with it.
Lastly, I'm afraid of living, because one's hopes and dreams should never be built on the blood and tears of others.
Meanwhile, nice people keep doing this and move on like locusts once they've sucked all the life out of the people they say they love.
Maybe I am incapable of love or sorrow... maybe all I can do is hate.
It is, however, honest.