Mutual Liquid Nirvana 2.0

Hello 2010!

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:18:53 GMT

My New Year's Resolution:

1. Gain weight.
2. Find a friend with benefits.
3. Get a job.
4. Many other things, but these 3 are top priority.

And I'm finally starting to get into a groove in terms of my writing.

Things are looking up, I guess.

Conundrum

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 19:13:33 GMT

There is comfort, and there is confusion.

I am somewhere I want to be, but I also want to run away, as if I do not belong.

The drink gives me a good feeling in my belly but ends up tasting like absolute crap to my tongue.

Someone you thought you knew ends up turning your world view upside down.

What then?

What then, when the only thing that gives you purpose is the one thing that holds you back from having a life?

What then, when the only thing that had nurtured your existence is the one that destroys your perspective in living?

I'm at a crossroads.

Either I go down one path, or the other.

Either way, both paths will have their fair share of heartbreak.

The time has come for me to make a choice... that will probably ultimately decide what life I will live from now on.

(P.S. How the f**k do you guys manage to scarf down all that beer? I have never ever enjoyed the taste of beer, not once, not ever. Explain. Immediately.)

Slowpoke, but Failippines. (also band-aids. rant post and lots of profanity inside)

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 23:46:17 GMT

Okay. Now I have one very good reason to side with flying_sideways to find the biggest amount of explosives possible (Reaction warheads are cool. Satellite cannons are great. Great Zeorymer's Retsu Meioh is the best thing ever.) and wipe motherfucking Tarlac off the motherfucking map of the motherfucking Crony Failpublic of the motherfucking Failippines.

It's bullshit bills certain dumbass pork-barrel sniffers make that make us the laughingstock of the world.

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a million times: if you want to legislate morality, make it attractive.

Making doing good = the path to happiness is NOT THE SAME as making stupid-shit bills that claim to "support children's rights" but in actuality is just one step close to nineteen-eighty-motherfucking-four. Big Brother is watching. And no, I'm not referring to that stupid-shit show on that stupid-shit channel.

Are we really a nation of idiots that we'd let this thing by just like this?

Why are we letting other things like shithead congressmen watching boxing matches, airhead celebrities running for politics, a pathological liar running for congress after a presidential term, and so many other more evil things slide?

Realization

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:52:35 GMT

I can't change anyone without changing myself first.

And I have to do so if I have to make good my promise to myself and to others to be the best teacher I can be.

I have to start by not being a weepy bastard when drunk.

Things are looking up!

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:54:37 GMT

On a roll now, 'cause I'm gonna be handing over my resume to my alma mater's HR department sometime this week!

Also...

OH MY GOD I'M DANCING LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING FIST OF THE NORTH STAR JESUS CHRIST

FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST GRAND CHASE CHARACTER EVER!

...I'm referring to Amy. :D

Anyway, time to save up for ~~Gacha~~ ~~necklaces for Amy~~ buying Christmas presents for everyone precious to me.

Hmm... perhaps a book on defensive driving for someone, textbooks and spelling books for someone else, and those discount novels for yet others. I'll be really lucky if I can score an Edgar Cayce tome for my aunt.

Christmas is about putting others ahead of oneself, and I'll be really glad to take that up. It's part of my struggle to improve myself; because I made a promise to Kamen Rider King Nekketsu that I'd make it as a teacher.

Because nothing beats teaching kids about COURAGE! and JUSTICE! and HONOR!

Also, if you're down, listen to this: SUNSET HEROES

Sometimes it's good to be alone.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:24:39 GMT

Well, just look at the news tonight and you'll understand why.

(Plus, the music will make more sense.)

...?

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:50:41 GMT

I don't know what's going on anymore.

On one end, I think that handing over misery is the purpose of my existence.

On another, part of me is horrified that I sound like Uchiha Sasuke (and this sucks balls).

What to do, what to do...

Kweh.

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 14:51:37 GMT

New semester's coming up, so I'd better dust my ass off and start trolling for jobs.

Haven't even gone to the PRC to snatch my license yet (earliest I can go to get it is Monday). I don't know, I might know a lot about the beauty of the spoken or the written word, but I seem a little elitist about the whole thing (and this is exemplified by me going into a RAGE at someone who asks a favor online but can't type out the word "please" completely).

So yeah, I'm not too convinced of my chances in the teaching profession, even if there is SCT as a fall back (hope they take applicants over the break between semesters. ~_~)

Not to mention working at SCT would probably give me the chance to sekuhara the female Flambeau staff all over again. Ahahahaha.

...and to people who get morally offended at prurient matters, answer this question for me: do you get morally offended whenever a dog licks his balls?

...Still I wonder why the very thought of yaoi freaks me out even when I regularly watch (and fap to) something like Ane: Haramix.

Onwards to October!

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 07:37:16 GMT

And let depression strike me for full damage head-on.

I don't know, this is either the best way to make sure this won't happen again or the worst way.

The sad part is that people tend to take my intelligence for granted, thinking I'm just as smart when dealing with life choices - but the truth is, I'm at my best supporting someone else, I'm not that much shakes on my own. This much I know because everything I am says this is true.

But I'm still notoriously bad at details.

In other news:

GRIFIS! FUCK YEAH!

Anyway now that that's done with, I guess I'll have to hole up for the meantime and see where else my destiny lies. It might not be here, it might not be there, but I hope it will come.

(...and lastly, some people can weather the relationship olympics. not me. i was never any good at sports.)

P.S. flying_sideways confirmed it: not me. Despite the "sheep are harmless; yeah, watch a few sheep hijack planes and crash them onto buildings, that's harmless" schtick going on, distance has made the whole deal seem... quotidian at worst; at best a look back into the time I rabidly enjoyed sheep warfare on television.

srs bznss.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:14:17 GMT

And here I thought holding grudges was a good thing.

Michael Jordan is actually more hung up on many things than I was.

Then he'd open up this can of worms at his induction to the Hall of Fame. Dude, WTF? Private grievances are best kept private, and should only be made public if NOBODYGIVESASHIT.

I don't know, is this a sign from above that tells me to change the way I think?

I'd like to, but that would be like letting someone get away with murder.

Choices, choices...

crossed signals (aka NOT as keikaku)

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 01:14:13 GMT

I find it vaguely humorous, strange, sad, and a whole set of other things that people would react to my last post just as if I'd leveled a volley of insults at them.

This is not one of those moments.

Paraphrasing a certain megalomaniac dictator who got flung into exploding televisions: you can keep your own God, and it really doesn't matter to me whether you believe for the sake of being something or someone or just become a sheep in the grand scheme of things.

(that, sir, is apathy)

whoa... whoa... whoa... if I really didn't care, so some might say, then I wouldn't gloss over details. why do so? well, sometimes you have to unload what's on the edge of your consciousness as quickly as possible so that it won't bother you all day/week/month/year/decade (onore dikeido!).

an additional note: there's a little thing that's called non sequitur - just because statement b follows statement a doesn't mean that statement b was meant to be taken with statement a.

and if you've read far ahead, a post as absurd as this or the one before it should probably not register to anyone's attention, as I am not asking for any.

just looking for ringside seats when the end of the world comes.

in other news, my legs take longer to heal up after DDR'ing. guess that's what sucks about being a house boy all week.

p.s. today is september 11, the day when you get a bunch of sheep and have them hijack some planes then crash them into buildings.

it's the end of the world as we know it. and I feel fine.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 00:33:30 GMT

...what you believe in is ultimately up to you.

See, that's where the rub is - the very concept of belief tends to interfere with my thinking most of the time (except when I wax philosophical about things and when Scientologists - especially Filipino ones - are involved).

I'm not gonna go and start with the name-calling, but one thing is clear: keep your beliefs in one place and your wallet in another. don't go and make yourself a tool in padding someone else's bottom line, because to some people, there is a lot of money to be made in exploiting belief.

in other news my legs are now shot to shit. DDR is out of the question all week long. damn it. that was last saturday.

and if the world should end, the only regret I have is not punching a certain girl in the face.

Oh crap.

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 11:30:01 GMT

Stoopid line trouble messing up my internets!

And for the cloud in the silver lining, I seem to have successfully trapped another call center agent.

Is my telephone voice really that girly?!

Something's gotta give...

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 23:46:28 GMT

Okay, long time no update, but let me run down the few events that have happened so far:

a. I like Grand Chase.

b. I'm still a lonely duck.

c. No headway in job search mode so far.

But, as with all things, I'm just gonna play it cool and wait for the right opportunity.

Only the strong.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:00:40 GMT

So I have not been okay for the past couple of days because it was around a week or two ago that I found out that I didn't have the EQ to be able to handle the rigors of teaching.

In hindsight, this was something that was to be expected - because I was weaned on the theory that just being myself would take care of everything - eccentricities and all. Turns out you don't show off your true self - warts and all - when your job isn't secure. Sorta like the Relationship Olympics, but the reward isn't biological, but financial.

But it showed off just how much honor I have - when offered a chance to continue teaching at that school, I refused. Not because I was afraid of the consequences should I fail, but that my dishonor would be passed onto my colleagues and the school I work for. That and I still have a long way to go. I've made a lot of progress, but that disheartening report showed that this is not me at my best - I have to keep going.

Anyway, speaking of the Relationship Olympics, it would seem that I'm just about to pull an I Want My Beloved To Be Happy - and it seems that those who play by the rules often finish last. Ah, it's hard, it really is. When you say things and people don't understand that you're saying them because you're going by the principle of playing fairly, you know this world is going haywire.

But now that I've seen the road ahead, walking on it will not be as difficult as it seems - as I have been guided so far by many, many people.

Therein lies the rub, as I'm too busy slaughtering monsters IN THE NAME OF THE GRAND CHASE OF BERMESIAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

Listen or be shot. (warning: copious use of bold.)

Fri, 08 May 2009 14:15:17 GMT

As I type this, only mere minutes have passed from all the AWESOMENESS that is Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.

With the first three episodes, I was like: "What the heck, this show has a pretty bland start... I wonder what the fuss is all about-" and then ANOTHER magical girl shows up.

By that time (Episode 4), I didn't notice that they just took off the handbrake on all the awesomeness that followed. I was like HOLY **** THIS IS ****ING AWESOME and just literally moments ago - BEFORE watching Episode 11 - I was like... (and I know this will probably be expected) OH HERE IT COMES, IT'S GONNA BE A REAL SLOBBERKNOCKER HERE FOLKS.

AND THEN NANOHA WHIPS OUT THE DIVINE SHOOTER, IT'S FIREWORKS FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THEN OMG FATE GOES ALL OUT AND GOES ON A PHOTON LANCER RAMPAGE...

but wait...

DIVINE BUSTER'D!!!

and after that...

OH MY GOD SHE'S THE MOTHERFUCKING BFG9000 IN PINK JESUS CHRIST DID YOU SEE THAT BEAM

...then we see Fate's mother totally spaz out.

The next two episodes will probably be crammed full of awesomeness.

I'm so giddy I can't wait.

(And in other non-Takamachi Nanoha-related news, my 2nd week as a teacher is just about to end after the parade tomorrow, my co-teachers are challenging to get along with, and I'd rather hawk flyers than sit in a table for 8 hours doing clerical or lesson plans and such.)

Culmination

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:55:30 GMT

Yay, hired at last!

I start work Monday.

It's time to go beyond the impossible. :)

Wonder

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 12:39:58 GMT

Sometimes I ask myself why - even though people close doors on me left and right - that I never do the same to others.

Maybe it's because I'm still a romantic idealist at heart and that everything and everyone deserves a second chance.

I mean, I have toyed with the idea of finding innocence and utterly corrupting it (yes, that led to a door being closed in my face, but with all that's happened it's been put into proper perspective) but at the critical moment, I couldn't go through with it (maybe my lack of resolve was the real reason for this, and not the events that led up to it) ...and seeing things in a different light really does help.

Still doesn't help the fact that I'm still lonely as heck, though... but I gotta get a life first, and believe in myself.

I gotta believe in myself.

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 11:56:30 GMT

Just read the damn quote.

Kamina is dead.

He's not here anymore.

But on my back, and in my heart, he lives on.

Drilling a hole to pierce the heavens. Even if that hole becomes my grave, as long as I break through, I will be victorious!

Who the hell do you think I am?

I'm Simon.

I'm not Kamina.

I am myself!

Simon the Driller!

Timeless advice (and yes, I am drunk beyond all measure of doubt)

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 11:25:41 GMT

LISTEN, SIMON. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. NOT IN YOU, WHO BELIEVES IN ME. NOT IN ME, WHO BELIEVES IN YOU. BELIEVE IN YOU, WHO BELIEVES IN YOURSELF! - Kamina, TTGL

A third of a Red Horse Grande rolling around in my system, and this is all I have to offer for it.

I don't know if alcohol imparts wisdom, but in this case, and at the most critical of times, it is.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF, OTHERWISE, ALL OF THIS WILL HAVE BEEN DONE FOR NAUGHT! All of this, everything, and I mean every single thing, will have been for nothing if I don't...

I mean, if I have been living my life just for the sake of a grudge the target doesn't even know is there, then what justice in the universe would let me follow through with it?

IT'S HIGH TIME THAT I START LIVING MY LIFE THAN JUST GO ON BEING MOLDED BY THE PAST AND BY THE MISCONCEPTIONS OF MYSELF AND ANOTHER WHO I LOVED JUST BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T TREAT ME LIKE SOME SORT OF FREAK, WAY BACK THEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM SO GONNA BUST OUT THAT EPISODE 11 SPEECH, JUST YOU WAIT~

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 15:42:51 GMT

Ah well, you know me - mister heart-on-a-sleeve and mister-type-blog-first-ask-questions-later. I was originally going to write this post about how RAINBOWS ARE STRAIGHTER THAN SUBARU and how COURAGE CAN MAKE 1% INTO 100%, but now, I am going to talk about how some hurts just don't ever go away.

You think you're doing fine, and you think you're handling the business of life in a nominal fashion. People around you think you're getting a life, and you feel proud for making slow progress in the world. You even go so far as to clench your fist and shed manly tears at the realization that even though you think your life is going around in a circle, it actually spirals outward, growing larger and larger as it goes.

And then this happens.

I'm not gonna go and say that this is going to demolish everything I've done so far - but it does make everything seem dark and grim and dour.

So it seems that I have found the embodiment of what they call "absolute despair".

And now when it seems that all my courage is lost, what will the future bring?

Stay tuned to find out.

Oh yeah, speaking of rainbows and Subarus, my Impreza WRX is still unbeaten. Don't know how long it will stay unbeaten though - but I can say with conviction that I will tear through Rockport City with Eurobeat in the sound system and a lot of COURAGE in my heart.

I still believe miracles are possible.

Am I seeing things...?

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 10:44:11 GMT

So there I was, having lunch at Kenny Rogers' Roasters when I saw, or I thought I saw, someone I consider close to my heart... was it a mirage, an illusion, or the universe telling me that "this is it, it's over, game's done"?

Regardless, that must wait. In other news, Dabzee's EVO IX just cleared Lake Akina. Now to start some serious-ass drifting on Myogi. It's time to kick ass and dorifuto. And I'm all out of dorifuto.

Of slacks and promotions

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:20:33 GMT

Doesn't it frustrate you when you see girls dressed in extremely flattering outfits and cry "sexual harassment" when you so much as look at them in a way they don't like? I mean, a lot of guys think with their hormones (including me). I mean, you say "women should always demand respect" but dress in a way that does not represent respect visually. Also, guys tend to take things at face value (visually, in a sense), so this will only come off as more friction between the genders.

Doesn't take a genius to figure out why the concept of traps intrigue me, right?

And for gosh sakes, this is another thing that constrains me as a teacher: you have to literally keep everything in. Now that would be difficult, because if I do keep it in and charge shot it like Megaman X would do, the result when I let go of the shot button would be... catastrophic, to say the least. (Maybe that's why my collection of PROMOTIONS keeps increasing... keeps the tension at bay.)

(This post was brought to you by the teaching demonstration, where I saw a maths teacher with a chest Mayumi Thyme would call "extremely RARE and VALUABLE", and a rear end Sir Mix-a-Lot would be proud of. Hope she didn't catch me ogling... that would spell the death of my teaching career...)

1'm 1n ur cl4sr00mz, t34ch1ng ur k1dz

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:07:41 GMT

O rly? Ya, rly.

Just gone and done my teaching demonstration, which proves that I still have to go a long, long way to become like my teaching idols: Great Teacher Largo, Eikichi Onizuka, and Yomako-sensei (STOP SNICKERING, YOU AT THE BACK).

Well, one more interview to go, and then that's that.

This is something I really want, no, need to do. It's a calling I need to answer, and a responsibility I must fulfill for the gift of intelligence and the love of reading that I cherish the most.

I'm sure I'll do fine. After all, teaching is all about PASSION.

And KNOWLEDGE.

Slowpoke, I know... but...

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 17:57:44 GMT

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING ALL OF TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN. AND ALL I CAN SAY IS...

HOLY SHIT.

No, really. HOLY SHIT.

You have to appreciate something of this magnitude that puts you through the wringer so many times, coaxes you through hoops, and makes your jaw hit the floor countless times you won't even bother picking up. It hits on so many levels you'll only get it when you watch it more than once - just like Fight Club.

Now, more than ever, I'm not going to allow myself to wallow in what they call "absolute despair". For every turn in what seems to be a circle, I shall inch forward. That is what TTGL has bequeathed to me in the aftermath of my watching it through.

Next stop - Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha and what happens when you mix Card Captor Sakura with a Krogoth from Total Annihilation. I can't wait.

(Also, later is my interview. Gotta log off now and go to sleep~)